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Ficlet: Remembrance of Things Past PG

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Mar. 10th, 2009 | 12:51 am
mood: calmcalm
music: jack's mannequin // lights and buzz
posted by: addictdtowords in deadweird

Title: Remembrance of Things Past
Author: addictdtowords
Characters: Tosh/Owen
Spoilers: Through 2.13 Exit Wounds.
Rating: PG
Summary: Tosh and Owen have a conversation, like they’ve done so many times before.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Torchwood however, Russell T. Davies owns my soul.
Notes: Title is taken from the epic, million volume, saga by Marcel Proust. And the title is probably the only thing I liked about it. Also, I know that there are a lot of post/pre/present Tosh/Owen Exit Wounds fics out there. I know because I’ve written many of them. I just needed to write this. Can’t explain it beyond that.

x-posted at: torchwood_decaf, owentosh, torchwood_fic, deadweird.

“I love you.”

He smiles lightly. “I know.”

“ This is usually where you say something back.”

“Are you expecting me to tell you the same? You want me to pour my heart out? Tell you I love you?”

“Well with the whole dying thing I thought…”

“Nah. Not my style.”

Tosh breathes out slowly. “Kind of wish it was.”

“How’s the pain?”

“Good. Fine…Painful.”

“It’ll be over soon.”

She laughs at the ridiculousness of this conversation. She’s knows it’s only her subconscious talking to her in Owen’s form. But you’d think her own subconscious would be a little nicer.

“I don’t want to die.”

“It’s not so bad.”

“What’s it like?”

“You want the whole ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ schpeel or the truth?”


“Okay.” He sits down next to her on the floor. “There’s nothing. No bright lights, no pearly gates, no Heaven. On the plus side there’s no Hell either. We all know if there was I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“You’re not really here anyway.”

He chuckles. “Valid point.”

“There’s just…nothing?”

“Yeah. Life isn’t something you do in the meantime until you can go to your eternal resting place and finally enjoy yourself. Life is it. Why wait? Why work towards something that doesn’t even exist. I always thought Catholics were crazy. Always feeling guilty for things they didn’t do. Wouldn’t be so worried if they knew there was nothing after this huh?”

“I guess not.” She takes a deep breath in to stave off the pain.

“Hurt more?”

She simply nods.

“It will. And then—“ He snaps his fingers. “Nothing. You’d imagine nothing would feel bad but it doesn’t. It’s nice. After all that pain it’s the best thing in the world…or afterworld. Afterlife? I always did have trouble with words. Or was it a way with them? Who really cares anyway?”

“No Heaven.”

“No. Not even a limbo. Just…”

“Nothing.” She finishes for him. Tosh turns to Owen and smiles. “Nothing might be good. No weevils.”

He chuckles. “Definitely no weevils.”

“That might be nice.”

“It is.”

“I love you.”

“I know you do.”

“I don’t feel anything.”

“I know.” He smiles down at her. “Jack will be here soon. And Ianto. They’re here for you. You always were the favorite.”

She smiles brokenly. “Jealous?”

Owen grins. “A little.”


“Nothing. But it’s good.”

Tosh nods once as a tear slips down her cheek. “Will you be there? In the nothing?”

“No. But I want to be.”

“It’s not an I love you.”

“It’s the next best thing.”

She laughs, small and pained. “I don’t want to go.”

“I know. I didn’t either. But you have to.”

“I’ll be alone.”

“You’re alone now.”

“You’re here.”

Owen smiles slowly. “Yeah.”

“Yeah.” She repeats, softer. “You’re going to leave aren’t you?”

“Jack’s on his way.”

“I want you to stay.”

“Wish I could.”

“Me too.”

Owen backs away from Tosh slowly leaning on the autopsy counter, hands in pockets. She keeps her eyes glued to his until she hears the familiar clomp of Jack’s boots on the stairs. She hears him yelling, telling her to hold on. They both know that she can’t. Tosh looks back to Owen and finds an empty space. He left without saying goodbye.

Jack holds her to his chest, swipes his hand through her hair. Smiles down at her. She smiles back slowly. Ianto clasps her hand in his, kisses her forehead. Tears are streaming down his face. She wants to tell him not to cry, that she’s going somewhere better. No pain, no violence, no weevils. No Ianto. No Gwen. No Jack…No Owen.

Tosh looks into her boss’ eyes. Smiles. He knows what it feels like to die, knows about the nothing. But he gets to come back. A little more broken then when he left, but he’s back. She turns her head to stare into Ianto’s eyes. Crisp and clean eyes stare back. She’s going to miss him. She grins at him. He musters up a small smile for her, breaking through the tears. Beautiful Ianto.

She feels pleasantly numb now. It’s almost time. She looks up one more time to Jack’s face. She smiles and closes her eyes. Toshiko Sato died in the way she lived. Calm and quiet. And then…there was nothing.

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Comments {3}


(no subject)

from: psyko_kittie
date: Mar. 10th, 2009 11:43 pm (UTC)

*whimpers* Gripping piece!

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(no subject)

from: addictdtowords
date: Mar. 11th, 2009 05:30 pm (UTC)

Thank you very much.

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(no subject)

from: lilybeth84
date: Mar. 14th, 2011 10:39 pm (UTC)

Love this!

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